I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
