Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
