Yo dont text me then not text me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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