I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
