haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
