they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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