I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
