And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I fill condoms, not promises.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
