there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize