I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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