I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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