sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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