nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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