I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
