oh god the rape fog is back!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
