I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
