I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
