He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is my gift to your gina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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