Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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