apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
