My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
