getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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