alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
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You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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