My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
