I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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