Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Boobs speak an international language.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
