It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
