Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
