wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
