dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
