If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
