She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish you could order shots online.
you didnt know i had herpes?
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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