Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
