We need to rekindle our bromance
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
