we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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