it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
