Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
