so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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