Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
