Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
