Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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