I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize