I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
