they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
vagina is talking i cant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
