i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
