Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
