And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
