I can tuck mytits in my pants
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
