That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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