mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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