dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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