just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
