From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
