My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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