It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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