I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
