i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
