Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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