Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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