Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize