Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
