put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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