Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
