apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize