I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
