Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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