I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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