I heard we made out
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
