If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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