Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
