Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He has the fingertips of a God
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