I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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